In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
