I wanna passion pit in your ass
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
