Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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