Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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