If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
