i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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