The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
