Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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