i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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