so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
