worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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