ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
