Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize