at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
