im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
