We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
