i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
