I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
