Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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