Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
