you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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