You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
