Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
