I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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