i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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