when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
