You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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