Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
