The maid of honor just puked.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you have feelings for this penis?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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