This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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