I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
