Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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