i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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