I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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