Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
