there's paper in my vomit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
