my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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