There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
