got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
