garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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