Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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