This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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