Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
