ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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