do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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