Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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