All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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