If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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