Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
