I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.