no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
