Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
