I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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