i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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