dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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