I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
