yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
