I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
