erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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