Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
