You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
