we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
