it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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