Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
