genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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