Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
