You're so nebulous sometimes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
