Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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