I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
