He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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