You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
