I think im going to throw up on grandma
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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