Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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