im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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